Trying Not to be Scared

Honestly I can’t tell if it’s better or worse not knowing the staging of my endometrial cancer. Perhaps it’s better not to know. The Doctors have admitted that my situation is so rare that there are some things they just don’t know. What they can tell me is that it’s locally advanced endometrial cancer. The bad part is that part of the cancer cells point to endometrial sarcoma as well, that means the tissues are involved.

The thing that scares me the most is that the tumours spread not only to the ovaries but to some place far off, my small intestines.

Wish I could know for sure that the cancer cells are eradicated but I guess that’s what second line chemo is for. Not encouraging to hear that usually with second line chemo you are already showing resistance to it. And I’m told there will be a standby treatment of Immunotherapy. This is experimental treatment with lots of unknowns.

I am also fearful that my oncologist says they have to watch me for hallucinations with the new chemo drug Ifosphomide. Loss of control truly scares me.

Ok had to get that all out if my system & focus on living and dreaming big. I’m dreaming of being able to carry and read to my nieces again. I’m dreaming of being able to be fit again and run around with them.

I’m also dreaming of travel to places in my dreams like the English countryside, the lush green of Ireland, the beauty of California, her majestic sequoia trees, the Ocean and the pristine air and snow of the Swiss Alps.

One of my favourite trips was to Boston and mainly because it was my first time experiencing snow. Fresh falling snow and thick cover on the ground. I was so mesmerised. I also fell in love with New Zealand’s South Island and would love to explore more of her stunning beauty, perhaps the North Island with those breathtaking Lord of the Ring scenes.

These are my topmost dreams and I can’t wait for them to be fulfilled once I’m done with chemo in May 2018. Meanwhile I will keep fantasizing and visualising all the possibilities.






About bookjunkie

Blogging about life in Singapore & recently cancer too.
This entry was posted in Cancer and tagged , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

9 Responses to Trying Not to be Scared

  1. Letitgocoach says:

    Be brave. I believe in you. xx

  2. verena says:

    Echoing the above, be brave, and be strong. I know it sounds much easier than to actually do it but hopefully we are able to offer you whatever moral support we can!

  3. imp says:

    and you will do all these lovely things. xo

  4. dottie says:

    i just found your site and i’ve only just read a bit of it, but i wanted you to know… that i really hope you’re doing… okay.

    (i know that probably sounds kind of silly coming from someone you don’t know and who doesn’t know you. ha ha.. but :/ i just felt i needed to say that anyway.. -_-)

    *sending good wishes your way*

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.