Greatest Fears as You Age Relate to Lack of Autonomy

1. Loosing those you can’t bear to live without

2. Loosing your autonomy and thus freedom. Being controlled by someone else (worst of all a stranger who is given power over you) due to lack of finances or physical strength, and not even being consulted on any decision and always being kept in the dark. Basically also not being treated with respect the way you used to be due to change in status. It can be very distressing.

3. Loosing physical abilities

4. Loosing your mental abilities

Writing the above down as most are insensitive to the changes faced by people as we age or loose mobility or function. Change is hard enough, but loss of autonomy is even harder. It will make the individual deteriorate even further. Fall into a deep depression that can’t be good for their health.

Seen this happen too often and it really truly gives me extreme anxiety. Someone who was previously very independent, but is then placed in the care of someone else due to aging.

Often I see that the caregiver is sided and there are complaints made about the elder patient. Often there are complaints that the elderly person is difficult. But is that truly so? They could be a victim of subtle abuse, but it could be well covered up. I dread that ever happening to me or anyone else I know. People forget how vulnerable you are as you age.

I guess I have this deep mistrust having been abused as a child by a stranger for years. And it was never detected even though I expressed loathing for that individual. Several times. It’s all about who has the power you see? In my case it was the pedophile. I have deep fear I will be in such a situation again. Where no one listens to or believes me. Where I will suffer alone for years. In my own home where I was supposed to be my haven.

Always believe them, when someone tells you repeatedly that they don’t like an individual whose care they are under.

The purpose of this post is to give voice to the voiceless. Also that if you are in distress and tell me, I will believe you and protect you.

People are protective of a baby as they are cute, but not so much when you’re as helpless as a baby but older.

I feel for those who loose their freedom as they age. Right now society doesn’t have any good solutions for older or chronically ill people to lead a dignified life where good help is provided. In Singapore it’s truly terrifying to see elderly people working on physically demanding jobs like cleaning. It’s like no one will care for you otherwise. You’re truly on your own. Otherwise you probably have to jump through hoops to prove you qualify for help.

I don’t have a solution, but just a wish that older people can live in dignity and be treated with respect and kindness. Is there such a Utopia out there?

Just expressing my deepest fears out loud. Almost like putting an SOS out.

Even though I lost my dad when he was far too young, in a way I am glad he didn’t suffer any indignities. He had his independence till the very end.

If I was around I wouldn’t allow anyone to bully him. I have always been deeply protective of him as he was of me. Miss that safe feeling so much.