Blood under my nails from half consciously peeling at my psoriosis plagued skin all night. Mostly my scalp and to my horror I feel a bald spot now. I’m doing this to myself and against my will.
My only goal for the day is not to scratch or pick at my excess skin. It’s absolute torture. A few days ago, overnight, a whole lot of red spots appeared on my neck and at this very moment it’s itching like crazy.
I’m writing to distract and refocus my mind. Not scratching makes it burn. Moisturisers help, but not much.
My condition is becoming severe. That makes me so stressed out and ironically stress exacerbates the condition. It’s terrible for my immune system.
I’m looking forward to improving my health. Currently I’m just maintaining what I’ve achieved post cancer, but I so want to go further and not let the age factor hold me back. Of course I won’t push myself to the point of injury, but I most definitely have been way too sedentary. I need to achieve a better quality of sleep so that I don’t end up wasting my life sleeping such long hours just to get the minimum required rest.
One of the things that makes me feel better is mopping. I like a clean environment and getting this done makes me feel better just like making my bed does. I guess psoriosis is the opposite of clean, and in fact it disgusts me. I’m disgusting to myself although it’s just a natural protective function of the body gone haywire, just like cancer. I have to be thankful that it’s not contagious. That’s a win at least. Just me that has to put up with it although I feel sad that I must look terrible as well. Increasingly so each day.
Back to the neatness thing. I seriously hate clutter or mess as it disturbs my peace so I’m working towards a cleaner nearer environment. I understand the hoarding mentality but I just can’t fathom living in and enduring such an environment. It would wreak havoc on my mind. Dear Reader, are you like me? Thank you for coming by. I appreciate it more than you know.