Category Archives: Anxiety

Thankful for My Anxiety for One Reason

I never ever thought I’d actually be thankful for my anxiety. But there’s one reason. It confirms that I’m not a psychopath. If you can’t tell, I’ve been watching a lot of true crime. I’m fascinated by what would prompt … Continue reading

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Been Almost 7 Years Since that Cancer Diagnosis in 2016

My oncologist is so pleased every time I get a good tumour marker reading. She always tells me well done, although I honestly feel like I’ve done nothing. I just lay there. Everyone else did everything. Well I did try … Continue reading

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Have Not Been Writing

I don’t feel an urge to write when I feel I can’t be completely honest. It’s like – what’s the point? In my entire life I have never lied other than doing it to spare someone’s feelings. Like an insecure … Continue reading

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#7. Letter to My Papa

Papa, I’m glad you’ll never go through the hardships of aging, but I still very often think of how much better my life would be if you hadn’t been taken so early. I don’t think I would have cancer or … Continue reading

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Insecurity

I’m always second guessing myself and wracked with insecurity. I wonder if there was ever a time in my life when I was confident, and the answer would be hardly ever. If at all, it would be for a fleeting … Continue reading

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My Blog is a Work in Progress

It’s never the finished product, but more like a dairy entry. A diary entry that I can rework easily. I keep editing as I discover embarrassing errors (mostly due to autocorrect), and new information, especially for my biographical posts. I … Continue reading

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Truly Frustrated By Sudden Onset And Worsening of Psoriosis

I’ll begin on a positive note. I have found that the moisturiser by Cerave helps me quite a bit. At least it makes the situation less aggravated and calms my skin a little bit. I need to buy more as … Continue reading

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Writing About Stuff that Troubles Me

I often think I need to get it all out in order to feel better, but often what I feel is self conscious and not any better. You know how some people are so self assured they don’t give a … Continue reading

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Greatest Fears as You Age Relate to Lack of Autonomy

1. Loosing those you can’t bear to live without 2. Loosing your autonomy and thus freedom. Being controlled by someone else (worst of all a stranger who is given power over you) due to lack of finances or physical strength, … Continue reading

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Worse Case Scenario

Many passages in Salman Rushdie’s Autobiography ‘Joseph Anton’ stood out for me, but this passage in particular. He would not live his life by the worse-case scenario. That would turn him into their prisoner. He was nobody’s prisoner. Salman Rushdie … Continue reading

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A Prayer…

Please remove all pain and anxiety. Keep our loved ones safe. And before we know it As if we were never parted Reunite us with those we cherish. Love, light, peace and serenity for all.

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Writing & Discomfort

Often after publishing something I feel strongly about, I feel really insecure and uncomfortable. I worry that it’ll be taken the wrong way. I also hate being judged. But that’s part of honest writing. You have to take the brick … Continue reading

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Fascinated by Salman Rushdie revealing the best period of his life

If I could go back and relive any time in my life, I’d start in 1979. I was just finishing Midnight’s Children and my first son was about to be born. In fact, I remember telling his mother to just … Continue reading

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What I Wrote Yesterday Feels False

False in the sense that I’m forcing myself to sound more well and upbeat than I am. Inside I’m drowning. I never wrote about the times I have such intense fear that I feel paralysed into inertia. Whether it’s a … Continue reading

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Trying to be My Own Therapist & Psyche Myself Up

I want to be more in control of my life and not let my anxieties highjack my peace. I want to stop having insomnia and when I finally fall asleep, nightmares. My own perceptions of advancing age and illness are … Continue reading

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Feeling Lost today till a Stranger (not quite actually) & Kind Soul reached out

19 years ago I lost my beloved Papa and this whole week (the dates) are a reminder of my nightmares and trauma. I did things today, I would normally enjoy, but I couldn’t quite taste my food or have any … Continue reading

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Oncology Checkup

My writing today will be as real as it can get. Just pure emotion. In real time. 9am: Can’t bring myself to wake up and face the day. There is a heaviness of dread. Can’t wait for the ordeal to … Continue reading

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My Hysterectomy gave me a release I never expected

Till age 45 I still felt a vacuum inside and a longing for a child. It’s something I could tell no one. Most of my friends had kids and I felt alienated from them. Even at this late age it … Continue reading

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My Greatest Worry is that Health Insurance Terms & Premiums Keep Changing

The Insurance companies blame the doctors and even the patients, the doctors point out that insurance companies have high management and sales commission costs too. In the end the patient is the one who suffers, especially if they have a … Continue reading

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My Partner’s Thoughts on Aging

Decided to ask B as well, after sharing my mum’s refreshing optimistic viewpoint in the last post. He’s usually a logical pessimist, while I’m a more emotional anxious person and we don’t always agree, so I was surprised to find … Continue reading

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Aging Sucks

No matter what I hear about aging giving you more wisdom etc, to me it just plain sucks. I feel like myself on the inside, but the outside is betraying my identity. Don’t think I’ve changed much since my thirties … Continue reading

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Was the Pre-Smart Phone & Pre-Globalisation Era Truly Superior?

I tend to wax nostalgic, wistful for the bygone era – the nineties. I’ll admit bias, as it also happened to be the most carefree, healthiest and happiest time of my life. So I automatically connect, no smartphone and connectivity, … Continue reading

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