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Recent Posts
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- I Just Watched the Wham! Documentary
- I Worry I’ll Run Out of Stories
- When Was the First Time you Took a Flight?
- I Used To Have A Dream Job
- Something I Wrote on Medium. Hope you’ll read it there.
- Please Don’t Ask Me To Be Resilient
- Join Medium with my referral link – Shanti C K
- When I was diagnosed with cancer
- What a Trip to Siem Reap Taught Me
- Been Writing at Another Place but I’m still here too.
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Category Archives: Anxiety
Something I Wrote on Medium. Hope you’ll read it there.
medium.com/@chelliahshanti/i-honestly-dont-know-how-i-survived-1b2ac97746f7
No More Masks on Trains or Buses
I was nervous when I heard the news that from Valentines Eve, no less, the rule to wear masks was being removed. You’d think I should be jumping for joy. Back when the rule was imposed, old me would have … Continue reading
Posted in Anxiety, Covid, Midlife Musings, Singapore Living
Tagged Life, Living, masks, Singapore, thoughts
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I Hope I Can Keep this Up
Finally woke up early again and was able to do my morning walk. Been feeling panicky lately, as I feel that with the psoriasis, it indicates that my immune system is not doing well. The steroids are not working and … Continue reading
Posted in Anxiety, Cancer, Health & Wellness, psoriasis
Tagged cancer, exercise, health, intermittent fasting, psoriosis, walking, weight
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Feel Like I Have Nothing Significant to Share Right Now
It is why I hardly write. I only write when I feel the compulsion. It can’t really be forced especially with regards to matters of the heart. Also I am now extremely self conscious about the oversharing I did shortly … Continue reading
Posted in Anxiety, Cancer, Midlife Musings, Trauma
Tagged abuse, cancer, Life, oversharing, relationships, secrets, trauma
2 Comments
Thankful for My Anxiety for One Reason
I never ever thought I’d actually be thankful for my anxiety. But there’s one reason. It confirms that I’m not a psychopath. If you can’t tell, I’ve been watching a lot of true crime. I’m fascinated by what would prompt … Continue reading
Posted in Anxiety, Midlife Musings, When Work Sucks
Tagged abuse, anxiety, Bullies, empath, personal, psychopath, sexual abuse, trauma, workplace
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Been Almost 7 Years Since that Cancer Diagnosis in 2016
My oncologist is so pleased every time I get a good tumour marker reading. She always tells me well done, although I honestly feel like I’ve done nothing. I just lay there. Everyone else did everything. Well I did try … Continue reading
Posted in Anxiety, Cancer
Tagged anxiety, cancer, CT scan, fear, humour, personal, remission, scanxiety, statistics, tumour marker
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Have Not Been Writing
I don’t feel an urge to write when I feel I can’t be completely honest. It’s like – what’s the point? In my entire life I have never lied other than doing it to spare someone’s feelings. Like an insecure … Continue reading
Posted in Anxiety, Blogging & Writing, Cancer, Midlife Musings, Singapore Living
Tagged anxiety, cancer, honesty, insecurity, Life, writing
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#7. Letter to My Papa
Papa, I’m glad you’ll never go through the hardships of aging, but I still very often think of how much better my life would be if you hadn’t been taken so early. I don’t think I would have cancer or … Continue reading
Insecurity
I’m always second guessing myself and wracked with insecurity. I wonder if there was ever a time in my life when I was confident, and the answer would be hardly ever. If at all, it would be for a fleeting … Continue reading
My Blog is a Work in Progress
It’s never the finished product, but more like a dairy entry. A diary entry that I can rework easily. I keep editing as I discover embarrassing errors (mostly due to autocorrect), and new information, especially for my biographical posts. I … Continue reading
Posted in aging, Anxiety, Blogging & Writing, Culture & Society, family, Midlife Musings, Singapore Living
Tagged biography, blogging, publisher, writing
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Truly Frustrated By Sudden Onset And Worsening of Psoriosis
I’ll begin on a positive note. I have found that the moisturiser by Cerave helps me quite a bit. At least it makes the situation less aggravated and calms my skin a little bit. I need to buy more as … Continue reading
Writing About Stuff that Troubles Me
I often think I need to get it all out in order to feel better, but often what I feel is self conscious and not any better. You know how some people are so self assured they don’t give a … Continue reading
Posted in aging, Anxiety, Blogging & Writing, Grief, Trauma
Tagged CBT, self conscious, therapy, trauma, writing
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Greatest Fears as You Age Relate to Lack of Autonomy
1. Loosing those you can’t bear to live without 2. Loosing your autonomy and thus freedom. Being controlled by someone else (worst of all a stranger who is given power over you) due to lack of finances or physical strength, … Continue reading
Worse Case Scenario
Many passages in Salman Rushdie’s Autobiography ‘Joseph Anton’ stood out for me, but this passage in particular. He would not live his life by the worse-case scenario. That would turn him into their prisoner. He was nobody’s prisoner. Salman Rushdie … Continue reading
Posted in Anxiety, Books, Midlife Musings
Tagged anxiety, faith, Joseph Anton, Salman Rushdie, spirituality, worry, worse case scenario
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A Prayer…
Please remove all pain and anxiety. Keep our loved ones safe. And before we know it As if we were never parted Reunite us with those we cherish. Love, light, peace and serenity for all.
Writing & Discomfort
Often after publishing something I feel strongly about, I feel really insecure and uncomfortable. I worry that it’ll be taken the wrong way. I also hate being judged. But that’s part of honest writing. You have to take the brick … Continue reading
Posted in Anxiety, Blogging & Writing, Culture & Society, Midlife Musings, Singapore Living
Tagged blogging, censorship, freedom of speech, truth, writing
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Fascinated by Salman Rushdie revealing the best period of his life
If I could go back and relive any time in my life, I’d start in 1979. I was just finishing Midnight’s Children and my first son was about to be born. In fact, I remember telling his mother to just … Continue reading
What I Wrote Yesterday Feels False
False in the sense that I’m forcing myself to sound more well and upbeat than I am. Inside I’m drowning. I never wrote about the times I have such intense fear that I feel paralysed into inertia. Whether it’s a … Continue reading
Posted in Anxiety, Blogging & Writing, Cancer, Grief, Midlife Musings, psoriasis, Singapore Living
Tagged depression, grief, loss, ptsd, stigma, triggers
3 Comments
Trying to be My Own Therapist & Psyche Myself Up
I want to be more in control of my life and not let my anxieties highjack my peace. I want to stop having insomnia and when I finally fall asleep, nightmares. My own perceptions of advancing age and illness are … Continue reading
Posted in aging, Anxiety, Blogging & Writing, Cancer, Midlife Musings, Trauma, When Work Sucks
Tagged aging, confidence, Life, overcoming, personal
1 Comment
Feeling Lost today till a Stranger (not quite actually) & Kind Soul reached out
19 years ago I lost my beloved Papa and this whole week (the dates) are a reminder of my nightmares and trauma. I did things today, I would normally enjoy, but I couldn’t quite taste my food or have any … Continue reading
Oncology Checkup
My writing today will be as real as it can get. Just pure emotion. In real time. 9am: Can’t bring myself to wake up and face the day. There is a heaviness of dread. Can’t wait for the ordeal to … Continue reading
Posted in Anxiety, Cancer
Tagged anxiety, cancer, cathaport, oncologist, personal, Port, radiologist, thoughts, tumour markers
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My Hysterectomy gave me a release I never expected
Till age 45 I still felt a vacuum inside and a longing for a child. It’s something I could tell no one. Most of my friends had kids and I felt alienated from them. Even at this late age it … Continue reading
Posted in aging, Anxiety, Cancer, Culture & Society, Midlife Musings
Tagged Aunt, childless, childless not by choice, grief, isolation, Life, personal, stigma
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