Miserable After the Reunion

I am debating whether to write about this at all, but I feel compelled to since all I feel like doing right now is cry. But I just feel numb. You know those times when you feel like crying, but can’t and everything is just bottled up inside. I am afraid that the people who are not meant to read this, will read it and get upset and I really don’t want to upset or hurt anyone.

Still feel lousy and depressed right this minute. I now understand why most people avoid reunions. Especially if they are not successful in light of society’s conventional measures of success – great career and married with kids. Well at least in my circle, these are the key performance indicators (to borrow a term from work, as it seems like work to me). I am what I like to call gainfully unemployed (still finding the best vocation for myself) and not married, but happy. Happy that is, till I am told otherwise. I think yesterday’s reunion made me take a step towards what they call Social Anxiety Disorder. I don’t think I have it, but by the end of the night I had a splitting migrane (which I never get) and a serious case of nausea.

Well maybe it had a bit to do with the taxi ride there. The taxi driver was playing music that did the opposite of calming my nerves, and we were stuck in traffic for an hour that was moving an inch at a time. This, plus the cost, is why I only like to take the MRT (subway). The place I was getting to is inaccessible and there was no way to get there, but by cab. Throughout the journey I had to talk myself into not freaking out from one of my claustrophobic panic attacks. I had to trick my mind into thinking I was ok. It was mentally exhausting. At the end of the journey, my head was about to split into two and the cab fare came up to S$25, which itself made me want to cry.

I was nervous even before the dinner began. Everyone was sharing pictures of their grown up kids and talking about them going into good schools and it was becoming like a mummy meeting which was fine by me, as long as I wasn’t being interrogated. And then it started and I regressed back into the doormat I was in school. I felt like I was being bombarded and questioned like a defendant in court. I realize now that I was trying to defend myself and my lifestyle. The more defensive I was, the more depressed I felt. But right now I am thinking – Why do I need to defend my lifestyle? It’s my life isn’t it. No one else can know how you feel unless they live in your shoes. I know they all mean well, but I wonder if they had any idea how bad they were making me feel.

There is a friend of ours who avoids everyone, because her marriage didn’t work out and now I don’t blame her for wanting to stay away. Although my friends say divorce is ok, they don’t seem to be giving out the signals that it’s really ok. They do seem to sort of approve when you divorce and remarry. The constant seems to be marriage. Singlehood is frowned upon in my circle. Marriage equals happiness. And if you’re married, there’s something wrong if you don’t reproduce (I adore children, by the way).

Maybe over the years I have lowered my expectations as I realize that happiness is affected by your expectations. I think lower is not accurate. It’s more that, huge life circumstances, like losing my father suddenly and unexpectedly, have completely changed my views about happiness. It’s made me value aspects of my life that I would have totally taken for granted previously.

Singapore society can be very judgemental and obsessed with meeting the conventional measures of happiness. Sorry for the long rant, but I most often feel that the people who don’t know me (since I’m hide under the cloak of anonymity) understand me best, as I am truly able to be myself. And you know those people are you. So thank you so much for listening.

P.S. I truly feel like a Chicken Nugget in a Bag of Vegetables. I love this post that I just saw on Freshly Pressed because it made me feel that being different and sticking out, can be a good thing.

About bookjunkie

Blogging about life in Singapore & recently cancer too.
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39 Responses to Miserable After the Reunion

  1. notabilia says:

    Damned if you do, damned if you don’t to most of these people, you know? Had you had a ‘lifestyle’ deemed suitable, they still would have found fault with you in some other way. Cut the negativity (meaning them) out of your life – and move to a bigger island if you can ;)!

    • bookjunkie says:

      Thank you so much for the support. It really means the world to me.

      Yes I could definitely do with less negativity. I find that when I was bombarded, I started to speak negatively about myself. I also found myself apologizing for my life choices and I can’t believe I did that. I feel so mad and upset about it.

  2. Kirsten says:

    Everyone gets these kinds of feelings, like they somehow don’t quite measure up to what they should be. I used to get it all the time and spend most of my life feeling really apologetic about everything that I am, or what I say, or what I do. One poke or one misplaced question and I would pretty much just fall to pieces with the anxiety of being judged.

    Then I came to realise that although a lot of it is coming from society and what they expect of individuals, it was also coming from myself. I was getting so affected by all these things because of the way I saw myself; i.e. even before getting into these social situations I had already decided that I was not good enough by not meeting the expected social conventions. I was going into all these situations being apologetic and waiting to be found wanting, and of course it just became a self-fulfilling prophecy and I would come out miserable and lonely with a wrecked self-esteem.

    Then I realised that if you go in to these situations with confidence in who you are, it is much more difficult to be brought down by anything that happens, because you know who and what you are.

    So instead of going “oh no I’m unemployed and unmarried, oh dear everyone else is going to frown upon my lifestyle!” just go in thinking, “Yes, I am unemployed and unmarried. SO WHAT? It’s great! I have time for what I want to do, I have fun, I know what’s important in my life.” And sudenly things get so much clearer and easier.

    Hope you feel better soon!

    • bookjunkie says:

      Thank you Kirsten. I think I totally lack self confidence at the moment. Although that has been a problem of mine for years. I am glad my partner always builds up my self esteem and he’s one of the people I feel safe with and I think that’s what counts. I also have a really sweet friend who is married with kids, who always makes me feel good about myself. She is such a sweetheart and actually told me she envies the freedom of my lifestyle.

      I just want to stop feeling apologetic and surround myself with more positive people.

  3. Please don’t feel apologetic, sweetie!! There’s nothing wrong with your life! I hate being judged by other people’s standards too and for a long time (for as long as I can rem actually), I live by other people’s standards. There’s the pressure to walk the conventional route in life, so we don’t stick out like a sore thumb and be ostracised or gossiped about. I have chosen the life that not many would have chosen, and a lot of times, the consequences come round to bite my butt. I do get affected by the obscene amount of judging that people do, but just remember that the minute you lapse into it, recall why you chose this life anyway. We only have ourselves to answer to. Life is really too short for ‘living up to expectations’, ‘doing the so-called right thing’, because whose expectations better to live by and whose ‘right’ thing better to do than ours and ours alone? Cheer up, you’re doing great and very inspiring to the rest of us!!!

    • bookjunkie says:

      Awww thank you from the bottom of my heart! I sincerely mean it 🙂 I have to embrace my unconventionality no matter what most people think – thanks for the reminder. Glad there are other unconventional and inspiring people like you around 🙂 Just wish people would quit judging other people and it would be so much more pleasant.

  4. jazziefizzle says:

    Oh, I am so sorry to hear that your reunion made you feel this way. I don’t think that there is anything wrong at all with being single, and I also think it is incredibly important to find happiness on your own and within yourself before you can rely on someone else for happiness.

    Remember, looks can be deceiving, many of the people that appear to have the perfect lives and perfect families may not be happy and may have other problems in life that are not visible from the outside.

    It could be nice for you to meet some other people who feel happy and satisfied with their lives even if they are not married, to make you realise that you aren’t alone.

    Being different is definitely a good thing! Keep smiling!

    • bookjunkie says:

      Thanks Jazzie. You make me feel good about being different 🙂 I really think happiness is a very personal thing and dependent on a myriad of circumstances – you’re right.

  5. LL says:

    I know what you mean, especially since I have relatives there (and all over southeast asia). When I visited them, they showed the most reaction when I told them I wasn’t really doing anything and had no plans for grad school. They kept going on and on about why not until I just had to explain my grades were awful, which was another shock to them. I cut them some slack for acting like overbearing/overachieving parents towards me, probably since I am the youngest of them (other than my sister). Also the fact that I rarely get to see them contributed to me not lashing out defensively.

    It’s extremely hard to ignore them when they “gang up on you” since they don’t know any personal boundaries. Well, in my case they were technically family. In reality they were strangers (I rarely see them), so I was offended they were all up in my business and judging me.

    My mother tells me that she is tired of lying to her friends about my lack of career and direction. That she herself was already married, living on her own, and had already bought her first car by 24, whereas I was just living at home going from one dead end job to another 🙂

    I don’t think my post was very helpful but I just wanted to share my limited experience and let you know that you aren’t alone. Maybe you could look up all the other people who skipped the reunion probably for the same reasons you were nervous for going? Hopefully they will know personal boundaries.

    I am always waiting for Asia to be less blatantly archaic about certain social standards. I think China and Taiwan (possibly Korea) are better since I know a few single women in their late thirties (childless) and they are fine and socially active. I notice all the tiny countries seem to have this relentless drive.

    If you are like me then it’s mostly the shock of such a tumultuous social event that you are so distressed. Hopefully you won’t feel so down after a day or two. And yes, hang out more with positive people!

    • bookjunkie says:

      Your generously sharing your personal experience really helped. Thank you so much. It’s true somehow that small countries that depend totally on human resources seem to mould people to be totally driven by conventional careers and success. Money seems to be a real important factor too. Yes you hit the nail on the head – I felt an invasion of personal boundaries and that was mainly what made me so upset and distressed. I just hope this feeling goes away soon and I am back to my chipper self.

      • LL says:

        I’m glad it helped. I am sure when I have to go back to Manila next year I will have a post similar to yours in nature but with derogatory slurs, stereotyping, and immature whining. My cousin is getting married and I’d promised to be in his wedding, so I am going this July. He is already demanding I update clearer pictures of myself on facebook and trying to hint at finding guys for me. I happen to like my profile pic (reflection of my friend and I in an ancient mirror in Beijing. Not very clear but very sentimental). And I am afraid all the potentials he lined up for me will have the same, unhealthy drive placed on them by society. Also their freakish obsession with America is also worrisome (will they just want a green card?). These fears are from my impressions 7 years ago, of course. So hopefully things have changed. Anyway, I guess what I’m trying to say is, I will have more horrifying experiences to share in the future, when I am again surrounded by my driven relatives. All I can really do is make fun of them online (If you can’t tell, I am not a fan of driven people. they are as ridiculous as those people hyped up on steroids).

        • bookjunkie says:

          hahaha it’s good to know I am not the only one who is put off my people driven by superficial things related to money and status. In my mid-life I have come to realize what is really important and dear to me. My dad worked so hard, but passed away too young and never got to enjoy his retirement. That is always on my mind.

      • LL says:

        heh, it’s actually this year. I need to stop wasting so much time being a drifter. I need income at least 🙂

      • LL says:

        My priorities in life were the same as my mother’s for me at one point: school, career, then blah (marriage) stuff. But now that I am past 24 (the Filipino golden age of people getting married/squatting out babies) she has become panicked and doesn’t really know which one is more important. My cousin’s wife-to-be is actually my age (with my major! what a coincidence! she also works for her family), and he actually had the gall to say that if she waits any longer to marry it would be too late. I would have smacked him if we weren’t on gmail. Sometimes he can really grate on my nerves and I usually deflect the topic as best I can. Usually by saying his fiancé probably could have done better than to settle for him.

        I actually applied overseas including Singapore a few times for a career due to my mother’s prodding but then she also doesn’t want me to marry a foreigner, haha. All these conflicts in her poor mind.. I don’t mind that she is so driven (she wouldn’t have been so successful after moving to a foreign country if she wasn’t). The problem is that she and everyone else is projecting their own expectations of themselves onto me and not hiding it. Pretty sad but I’ve come to accept it.

        • bookjunkie says:

          I used to be so ambitious too when I was in my twenties…even to a point arrogant and cocky because I was at the top of the world then. I think I became too complacent. Now I have totally different priorities especially after I lost my dad and seen the realities of marriages. It’s not all about the fairy tale images we have been fed with, and is real hard work.

          Yes, like you mentioned, I feel that my friends are projecting their expectations upon me and I just can’t take it anymore.

  6. Yes, I think you are well on your way back to your chipper self. I see that you are on the right track to seeing what is important to you ~ your sweet partner and your writing. It’s so important to have a creative outlet.

    You have that and more. You are touching many people’s lives by being honest and human showing real emotions.

    As far as on the right path goes, well I wonder who gave who the right to judge?


    • bookjunkie says:

      I just love the blog world Julie. The people here are true writers and are more in tune to what’s really important in life and not the superficial stuff. I am always afraid to be vulnerable and show my true feelings, but the responses I am getting make it feel worthwhile. I truly appreciate the kindness that is shown by readers like yourself. It can really make a difference in one’s life. Thanks so much for taking the time to drop me a note.

      I love what you said about “who gave who the right to judge”.

  7. Crystal says:

    Oh honey, I just want to give you a giant hug.

    I’m on painkillers, but let’s see if I can actually get my thoughts in order to express them…

    1-Seeing people from our past tends to bring us back to who we were at the moment, regardless of who we are in a our day to day lives currently.

    I have only ONE person from high school that I still associate with. I was very much an odd duck in high school, trying to figure out who I was. My family was very poor, so I couldn’t dress the way the other girls did or go out with people to activities. I had a very negative relationship with my body. Regardless that I’ve grown into a much healthier relationship with myself and my body, I know that being around those people would be a negative experience.

    With adults in my family, I tend to revert to a more child-like state. I’m fiercely independent (just ask my husband how I’m doing with this whole “broken ankle, have to depend on others” thing) but at my mom’s, I will allow her to cook me dinner, fold my laundry, etc.

    I think it takes a great deal of conscious effort to break out of those molds. I know I haven’t done it very often. I do have a friend who I had a less healthy relationship with 14 years ago, but the reason it’s changed is that we both admitted our role in making the relationship unhealthy and make a much more conscious effort to not fall into those patterns today. But I think it’s rarer than it should be.

    2-Asian society (and take it with a grain of salt that I say this as an outsider…but one married into an Asian family) IS very focused on traditional measures of success; specifically marriage and kids.

    When Ravi was graduating from college (maybe high school, but I want to think it was uni) his grandmother approached him and asked him a question in Gujarati (which he, luckily–in this case, does not speak) and his dad answered on his behalf. His dad waited until they were alone and home before sharing that the question had been “do you want me to find you a wife now?” and that he’d deferred on Ravi’s behalf.

    Every event that put Ravi into contact with his family (specifically the female members of his family on his mother’s side…the side that does arranged marriages for the most part-his parents being the notable exception), there would be pressure as to WHY he wasn’t married yet.

    Ironically, it’s our belief that one of the reasons I was so easily accepted into the extended family was that Ravi has always been the freakish American cousin who doesn’t speak Gujarati or Hindi, doesn’t like India, doesn’t eat the food, etc. That ANY WOMAN could successfully ‘get him to the altar” seemed like a miracle, so they were just grateful that I’d done so, regardless of my ethnic and religious status. And that I’m female (sigh).

    He has two female cousins who are still single after 30, which is a source of constant irritation to his family. They have men thrown at them at every event. But the reason they’re single is that the type of men they’d prefer to marry would like want them to leave Bombay, and they want to remain close to their aging parents.

    Another cousin, who married at the “proper” age of 24, got constant nonsense over not having had a baby. That we married several years later and then had a kid earlier (because we’re also older and had a smaller window of potential fertility to have children) unfortunately created a great deal of pressure on her to get pregnant NOW. Her daughter is a year younger than E. She asked me to warn her when we got pregnant again, and actually (no kidding) begged me not to have a third because she didn’t want three and there would be a ton of drama and pressure put on her with each child we have.

    To be fair, yes, I did choose marriage and kids. But that doesn’t get me a free pass. Once you have them, there are all the critics that tell you the way you run your marriage/raise your kids is wrong. The judgment doesn’t end with “i do” or “it’s a XXX”. And of course, now that we have one, there’s always the question of when we’re having another and how many we’re going to have and don’t we want a boy next time and and and.

    It sucks that you are feeling judged/people are judging you…and that they are using antiquated standards to do so.

    3-How much of the judgment comes from self-doubt.

    On most days, I feel like I do an okay job at this parenting thing. But when a stranger critiques me, that’s what sticks with me. An example…we let E watch Sesame Street on her iPod during meals out for a variety of reasons, the most important being that R and I believe it gets us the best set of results in terms of behavoir and food consumed. I’ve had maybe 20 people comment to me on this topic. 19 were positive–she’s so good, what a great idea, etc. The negative comment was on our most recent trip to NYC this past November when a drunk woman lectured me about ignoring my child. There is no reason HER opinion should hold more weight for me, but it does. Because it pokes at vulnerable parts of my psyche…the parts that worry that I’m not doing enough, that I’m doing it “wrong”…whatever.

    Eleanor Roosevelt once said “no one can make you feel inferior without your permission.” The problem is that when they poke at something we have even the teeniest doubts about, we’re all too happy to give them that permission.

    4–In my opinion and experience, the most interesting people are those who don’t fit the mold.

    While this may be a poor consolation, in my 32 years on this planet, the most interesting people, the ones I want in my life are all people who don’t fit a mold…who were “outsiders,” who don’t follow “traditional” paths…because they have far more interesting stories to tell.

    In the end, dear TI…you are a fascinating and lovely woman who brings a smile to my face every day. I appreciate that my life is a little better for having you in it. I hope to hang out some day, but even if we never do, I’ll always enjoy seeing your blog light up on my feed burner with a new post. I’m glad you’ve chosen the paths that are right for you (and are still discovering those paths…) instead of the ones society has dictated. While the HS reunion may not have been fun, you’re queen of the prom at our blogger one 🙂

    • bookjunkie says:

      Aww you are really sweet….and I feel so sorry that you’re suffering now with your leg in pain. Hope the painkillers help but mobility must be tough. You must be so tired but yet you took the time to share your thoughts and I find it so comforting. It really touched me. I just saw your comments and I will read through them again, slowly now 🙂

      Yes I do feel stifled sometimes in an Asian society and wish I could be in an more forward thinking American one. I also think that the judgements from my friends hit all the insecurities I have about myself. Exactly what you said. They are now magnified and that’s what makes me feel so awful. I try not to be a doormat, but it’s just me. I hate confrontation and I will let people walk all over me to avoid it. I often swallow everything and tend to suffer in silence till I can take it no longer and that’s how I quit my last job. I was having crying jags because I was that upset. It was affecting me mentally and I thought I am here to work and not engage in ridiculous mind games. Confronting people just makes me more upset. I am such a chicken, but that’s just me. I think that’s why I ended up with a partner who’s the opposite and protective of me. He can’t stand to see anyone bully me.

      I am totally in arrested developed when it comes to my mum to the point that I am embarrassed about it. We are super close though and have no secrets and I am grateful for that.

      I also never imagined I would grow apart from my friends. People I spent years with in school. It’s a bit sad, but even then I kinda stuck out. I was definitely different and always felt so.

      One day when I come out of the closet, you’ll be the first to know. I am pretty overwhelmed by your kindness 🙂 Hope my blog will lead to something……some form of writing job perhaps one day. For now it’s a great form of therapy for me and you’re one of my therapists!! 🙂

  8. btlau says:

    i get what you mean, when you get to a certain age, you’ll be bombarded with those questions, I don’t try avoiding reunions with friends, but just family reunions with lots and aunts & uncles, shudder!
    I always walk away feeling lighter, I spend all the money on myself, take all the vacations I want, don’t have to worry some kid will turn out bad, pay millions to get the kid into school, blah blah blah

  9. Wow Bookjunkie! You really hit on a topic for discussion! People are stupid and the reality you see (happy marriages with perfect kids) aren’t always the truth.
    Case in point: the “perfect couple” in my social circle was a doctor and his wife…lived the perfect life-traveled…had 3 perfect kids etc etc….until he was busted with kiddie porn on his computer!
    It’s safe to say that a good majority of the married couples there were jealous of your freedom (but they would never say it in front of their spouse!)

    • bookjunkie says:

      I was so afraid that I was whining too much and having a pity party. The response I got however was heartwarming and I thank you so much for it. I never thought it about it the other way around before. I also feel awful to see my single female relatives get pressure to get married because I think they are happy and enjoying life to the fullest. Their life and freedom is definitely awesome. In Asia there is a huge pressure to get married. There is also this cut-off age point. It’s always related to women and is a sexist thing. When you have a female boss who’s mean the first thing people will ask is – is she a spinster?…it’s just so awful and makes me irritated. Men get more pressure about their careers. There is also a huge stigma with divorce. I know of people who stay married as long as they can stand it and then get divorced in their sixties. But somehow among my friends it’s ok if you’re divorced and remarried…the key thing among them seems to be, being married. I sometimes think it’s so much better outside of Asia where there are all kinds of relationships and people are so much more open-minded.

  10. 365days2play says:

    Oh dear, I hope u feel better after reading all the good advice from your loyal blogging friends. It just takes 1 bad nut to ruin the day even if the rest of the group aren’t the inquisitive and interrogating kind. I feel the problem with Singapore is that it’s hard to live the simple life here. Almost every sort of lifestyle you choose requires money. It’s so much easier in a country where land is abundant. When people say they want to just retire and go for walks in the mountains, or do gardening everyday, they can. They have real alternatives for happiness. Big car and house vs small cottage by the river, it’s now harder to compare which is actually better. In Singapore, small house vs big house, the difference is stark.

    • bookjunkie says:

      you said it…it’s usually a case of someone being negative and then it just snowballs and suddenly I am being bombarded. I even felt mocked to a point and thinking about it now I actually should be angry but I am ..not yet so. I tend to be that way…sad and depressed first and anger hitting me much later. I hardly get angry and hate confrontation. Even if someone hurts me real bad, the first thought is to blame myself and find some defect in myself. I have tried to change myself but to no avail..i think I am just made this way…passive but I kinda like that I hardly get ruffled at situations that would make most people angry. It take quite a bit to ruffle my feathers 😉

      Thanks for being so supportive. A small cottage by the river sounds lovely. In Singapore everything is getting so expensive and it’s impossible to afford housing the way our parents could. It’s getting quite scary for the younger population. I think that’s why everyone is getting so career obsessed…it’s the only way out ..to afford a basic decent roof over your head. Our parents generation was a whole lot more relaxed. I recall that my mum even told me she repeated primary 3 because she was sick all the time and her parents let her stay home. It was no big deal. These days toddlers are being sent to schools for hothousing so they won’t loose out…so scary!

  11. Hi! First of all, I wanted to thank you for linking back to my post, “Be the Chicken Nugget in a Bag of Vegetables.” I also read your comment on my post, and it really touched me. I’m glad I came to read your site. You have a way with words and describing emotions, feelings, which is SO SO important for any good writer. Although my profession is in writing (first for a newspaper as a reporter, and now for a corporation), I do understand how the demands of the corporate lifestyle can drain you of creativity. But, you’re doing the right thing by writing constantly, which helps free the mind of rational thinking, letting the creativity flow. I think it’s never too late to follow your dreams.

    As for this stupid reunion, it’s stupid! I know I’m in America, where social conventions are different than Singapore, but you were right before you attended: you were happy, so that’s what matters, right? I’ve been the chicken nugget in a bag of vegetables many times in my life, especially as a young teenager (yes, I was bullied). But as I’ve grown older into a mature adult, I’ve learned to embrace my quirkiness and pour it into my writing. Amazingly enough, that’s where I’ve found acceptance, because I’m different! And I’ve grown proud whenever someone says, “You’re weird!” If you want my advice, embrace the things that make you different in your society, and find the ridiculouness in it all, laugh about it, then write about it. I think you might be amazed with what you come up with. 😉

    • bookjunkie says:

      I am so thankful that you were Freshly Pressed and that I was led to your amazing blog and post. Your post just spoke to me in every way. Getting a compliment like that from a writer like you…I just can’t tell you how good that makes me feel….a huge boost to my confidence. As a Singaporean I sometimes wonder if I am clear enough to international readers. I wonder if my Singaporean way of writing can sometimes be confusing. Thanks for the affirmation.

      I have to recall how happy I was before the event. Before the negative emotions. I guess I was muddled and confused, because so many vegetables were bombarding this chicken nugget. I just adore your chicken nugget, vegetable analogy – pure genious! 🙂

      I will take your advice and do just that…thank you again Shari!!

  12. lynnette-net says:

    Hellos! I’ll be already adding to that super long list of comments there! I kind of know how you feel, but you shouldn’t feel bad about your social situation. I have a teacher who’s 50+ and she’s not married, without kids, not successful enough but loving her life. And when she’s being interrogated, she replies with grace, which earns her respect. Another teacher is 30+ and not married, not dating, not successful but happy; same thing, she’s respected for her witty replies! And for me, I think I have it bad too when I’m interrogated about my health and career plans (because I’m doing well at school); so you just have to find a way out of these sticky situations and make the best out of it!

  13. thinkpinktoo says:

    Hope you are feeling better now. I’ve come to realise that it’s usually the most insecure and unhappy people that tend to gossip or put other people down because in their mind it makes them feel superior. No one really has the right to say what is the right way to lead your life. If everyone led thier life the same way the world would be a pretty boring place and we probably wouln’dt have progressed much further then our caveman days!

    You need to embrace your unique choice of lifestyle (at least in Asian society terms) and let these “mean girls” know that you are more satisfied and happier then anyone of them are. You get to lead your life by your rules with no boundaries. I’m pretty sure that those people out there married with kids could not say the same.


    • bookjunkie says:

      Last night I was thinking maybe this happened for a reason. Maybe I have been growing apart and changing. I don’t think I can put up any longer with being the target for amusement like I used to be. 40 makes me less tolerant of things like these. When I examine my life I wouldn’t want to trade it – I need to beat to my own drummer and if that means keeping away to be mentally healthier than so be it. Thanks for much sweetie. Love what you said about the world being a boring place with identical people.

      Also I feel women shouldn’t be the ones perpetuating the sexiest myth that women need a man to be fulfilled, and I find that happening within our ethnic group quite a bit. It always annoys me to no end.

  14. Fidel Hart says:

    Hope you’re feeling better today.
    It’s your blog, so it is quite alright to express your feelings and have a rant. Writing is always a great healer too. When I use to be on myspace and blog there, friends would sometimes ask me how I am doing and I’d simply tell them, “Read my blog.” LOL. I’ve always found it easier to write how I feel than talk about it.
    I imagined that living on a tiny island like Singapore would feel like a reunion every day. Do a lot of the people you grew up with leave the island?

    • bookjunkie says:

      Yeah I tend to do that too. My life right now is practically transposed onto my blog. It’s a mega version of facebook, but loads better.

      Yeah this place being so tiny and all, you’re always bumping into people you know. It’s hard to hide away. Maybe that’s where all my social anxiety comes from…just crave for more space sometimes.

      Yes most of them migrate to Australia 🙂 I guess since it’s not too far and just so beautiful. I love Australia too.

  15. Pingback: Post a Day: Craziest job interview of 2010 | Ellelle's Blog

  16. Lady J says:

    Don’t be too hard on yourself. I understand how you feel, there are simply too many expectations on one at every stage of our lives. I’ve been married for a couple of years and have no kids yet. So the pressure does come on from friends/ families at such reunions. At the end of the day, I try to tune out for I know I am happy where I’m at in this point of my life. I think you are too. 🙂

    • bookjunkie says:

      Thanks so much Lady J. I can also understand the pressure on you too…..especially being in an Asian family. It’s like a never ending cycle.

      You’re so right….I really am happy too…very comfortable where I am.

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