It is why I hardly write.
I only write when I feel the compulsion. It can’t really be forced especially with regards to matters of the heart.
Also I am now extremely self conscious about the oversharing I did shortly after the cancer diagnosis back in 2016. You see, I truly thought I wouldn’t make it from the grave looks on the faces surrounding me (including all the doctors.) The whispering around me and such.
I felt compelled to share certain things that anyone naturally would, when faced with the possibility that the end might be near.
I feel now like I dodged a bullet, been inexplicably rewarded with a miracle (I don’t deserve) and I’m embarrassed that I divulged certain private things.
The embarrassment stems from the fact that only some people responded. Others were naturally stunned. I don’t blame those who felt discomfort and were not certain or afraid regarding how to respond the right way, probably, but I am forever grateful for those who did. The silence made me feel horrible and ashamed (even though I should not be in the least.) Also made me wish I had not divulged said information.
Other cancer patients out there or those with a terminal illness, I’m sure you overshared as well and I just wanted to say it’s natural and you’re not alone.
And it’s not oversharing if the other party has experienced something similar and is able to relate. We just never know. And personally when someone shares something personal with me I appreciate it so much, because it means that they trust me. And that’s a huge thing in any relationship.
I’m so glad my partner always shares everything with me. Life is too short for superficial relationships where you might have known someone for years, but feel you hardly know them.
For those who trust me enough to openly share their stories, fears and their heart with me, I’m truly grateful. And if you tell me it’s a secret, rest assured that I am a vault.