Clueless Before Cancer

1. I had no idea that it was the chemo that caused side effects like loosing your hair. I actually thought it was the cancer itself that caused hair loss. Now I feel silly.

2. I was afraid of Chemotherapy as movies from the 90’s had given this image of cancer patients suffering, being frail, skeletal and constantly throwing up. But in my case or perhaps due to advances in research since then, we have anti allergy drugs and steroids to boost you so you actually look surprisingly good on the outside. And you even gain weight from the steroids making you famished.

3. I’m still afraid of radiation as I have no clue about it and perhaps would rather not know the scary bits before I start.

4. I had no idea that when the hair started falling my scalp would be so sensitive and hurt as if the roots were being attacked.

5. I thought that being in remission meant you’re free of cancer, and I had no real idea about recurrence and the need to be vigilant with blood tests and scans after. So you’re never quite done with it.

6. That I would actually be grateful that I had a port inserted into my chest so that I wouldn’t have to be stuck in the arms with needles and that excruciating pain as my veins are too fine and the chemo drugs are toxic causing them to collapse and all those resulting bruises that take weeks or months months to fade.

7. Never knew that one person could have two totally unrelated cancers at the same time.

8. Had no clue how alone this would make you feel until you met other women online who decided to share their journey.

9. That you would be able to handle what has been thrown at you. You the scaredy cat your whole life.

10. That the cancer could actually be a blessing stripping down life and showing you with clarity what is truly important.

11. That the gene test taken by Angelina Jolie would be relevant to you.

About bookjunkie

Blogging about life in Singapore & recently cancer too.
This entry was posted in Cancer, Midlife Musings and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

11 Responses to Clueless Before Cancer

  1. bookjunkie says:

    Thanks for reading …appreciate it lots

  2. I am so blessed to have found you. thank you from the bottom of my heart for sharing your journey. I too, was diagnosed a month ago with breast cancer. You are ahead of me on this path, and I am so grateful to read it. Everything you have written scared the heck outta me too! I almost canceled my port insertion just from the fear of the unknown. Today, after only two Chemo treatments, I am blessed by that port.

    I love #10. You are spot on. Thank you so much. You’ll never know the comfort you have given me.

    • bookjunkie says:

      I am so happy to have found you too. I was extremely petrified and reluctant about the port and took quite some weeks before I finally relented. This journey makes me feel braver than I am. It’s like I’m amazed that I got through those procedures & as time passes it feels like it wasn’t so bad.

  3. Zhi Qi says:


    I stumbled upon your blog and while reading about your life, couldn’t help but want to comment. I hope that you stay strong and positive amid everything and know that there are people who love you! I sincerely wish you all the best and I hope you continue to take amazing trips and buy many many pretty things.

    • bookjunkie says:

      Thank you so so much. Means a tremendous lot to me that you actually took the time & effort to comment Appreciate it.

  4. Amy says:

    Hang in there! I love your list. I’m a little ahead of you. I finished radiation about a month ago. Here are some things about radiation… It doesn’t make you sick, nauseous, or unable to eat. It doesn’t make your hair fall out. I was able to work, go to my radiation appointment, and go back to work. I just had to lay on a table… No injections, no blood work, just lay on a table and the machine passes over you and delivers the dose. It didn’t hurt. It was similar to an X-ray. I hope your experience is similar. I was emotional during this time and it is a constant reminder that it isn’t over but overall it was a much easier experience than the chemo.

  5. Hopeful says:

    Hi I just found out I have breast cancer on 24/10 and just went through mastectomy . It was totally shocking as I just had a baby and all these while I have thought the hardness was a block milk duct

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