Identity

In Singapore your identify is vey much tied to the job title you hold, the company you work for, your marital status and the number of children you have. As such I feel very much on the margins. Very much an alien. I don’t think I am, but societal norms (propaganda in the media) and warped values of a materialistic, class conscious, rigid society make me feel so.

When I was younger I never imagined I would be here. I wanted 5 kids, at least, wasn’t afraid of childbirth even as my classmates vowed they would never give birth and was sure I would have them. Hardly thought I would have tumours instead. It’s ok I can find the dark humour in it. I honestly relish cancer jokes. Especially when made by fellow cancer patients and survivors. I still don’t quite like the war terminology that goes with cancer, but I guess all the chemotherapy, radiation and surgeries make you feel like you’ve gone through something harsh with long term effects. Often I can’t believe I made it when the statistics said otherwise.

On the other hand I am beyond grateful for all the children in my life. I feel blessed that I even get to be a part of their lives and they tolerate me. They will never fathom the depths of how much I love them and how I would do anything to help them. Anything that would aid their well being.

I believe I write about uncomfortable personal things in an effort to find my tribe out there. I am grateful to other much braver souls who totally put themselves totally out there. They make me feel not so alone.

Just wanted to say my peace, in case this ever becomes a historic artefact. Or it might just get lost in space.

About bookjunkie

Blogging about life in Singapore & recently cancer too.
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