I know I’ll never quite be done as I previously imagined (there is no cure for cancer) and will have to be very vigilant with regular scans and blood tests, but being done with chemo and radiation will be great.
Ironically, I might even miss the comfort and feeling of safety of the poisonous toxic chemicals (paclitaxol & carboplatin) which are attacking my healthy dividing cells but are also killing the cancer cells. Just a necessity till a better more targetted affordable treatment is found.
On a bright note there is so much I can look forward to and decided to make a list to cheer myself up:
1. My hair growing back. I’ll take every bit of fuzz. Plus my eyebrows and eyelashes.
2. My skin not peeling, & loosing the current discolourations and rashes.
3. Gaining back sensation in my fingers which are now numb due to what they call peripheral neuropathy or nerve damage.
4. Being able to fully bend down to pick up stuff from the floor without getting dizzy.
5. Just having the energy to do what my heart desires. Right now my body can’t keep up with what my heart desires.
6. Travel anywhere, even a short trip.
7. Being able to carry and swing my favourite little ones around.
8. No more steroids and being famished all the time and gaining weight.
9. No more bloating from Chemo.
10. No more stares from insensitive rude people who see my headgear or bald head when I go out. I need to wear a T shirt saying cancer is not contagious. There are nice folks who are kind and smile at me though and I appreciate it.
11. No more chemo brain and the ability to concentrate and read more. Writing is not a problem though.
12. No more chemo brain and forgetting things and words.
13. Not having to avoid sick people I care about and am sad to be away from, or worry about my family members in the home falling ill and having to avoid them (which will be very hard) due to my low immunity. Just getting my strong immunity back.
14. Having a cocktail like a sangria, with my cousins. Not an alcohol drinker much but now that I can’t, I want to.
15. Doing a major declutter and spring clean without worrying about dust and exertion making me ill.
16. Being able to swim without worrying about infections as I have a portacath inserted.