Some Days I Can & Other Days I Just Can’t

Morning sky

I can be pretty hard on myself. I think I’m too lax, but that’s what my partner and mum tell me. I am trying desperately to regain my fitness. It gets harder as you’re aging and I suppose even harder after going through two bouts of chemo and radiation. It just fells you on a cellular level.

I’m able to wake up at 6am one day, but oversleep till 10am the next day. I can’t help but feel frustrated. This fatigue has plagued me long before I was diagnosed. Were the cancer cells just feeding off my energy?

On days I do force myself up early with many iPhone alarms, I’m sleep deprived and inadvertently have to pay back the sleep debt or I can’t function.

Boy do I miss my youth. I could just push myself and have zero fear that I could potentially hurt myself. The latest Tiktok filter called the teenage filter is making older people like me nostalgic and some even weepy as they wish they could have appreciated their younger selves more.

Well on that note I’m still relatively young so I’m going to appreciate the vitality I have right now and how I have bounced back from cancer treatment. I want to just keep going to reach as much of my potential as I can. I know I can do more and desire to do more.

About bookjunkie

Blogging about life in Singapore & recently cancer too.
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