5 Things I Thought I Would Have when I was a Child: Letting Go of My Expectations

This is my exercise in letting go of expectations. Sadly life never turns out the way you expect for many, but there have also been treasured joys I never expected as well.

When I was a kid I always imagined I would have all these things:

1. Married with 5 kids in my own house, with my parents, and we would have fun all day playing. (I have a partner with whom I can sit in silence and be comfortable with without effort and feel worry free when we’re conversing and who supported me through my cancer journey, & I do have more than 5 children in my life whom I love more than they would ever know & who literally saved my life)

2. A writer who wrote magical books like Enid Blyton. She made British boarding school sound so good I longed to go. (Does self published count? That is, this blog?)

3. Or a teacher who was kind, unlike some of the mentally and physically abusive teachers I had. (Does imparting one’s knowledge count?)

4. Always look out for kids and be kind to them because I clearly will never forget how it feels to be a kid bullied in an adult world and have their dignity stripped away. (I could do much more, but I will always advocate for children)

5. When I was little, I wanted to travel to Switzerland in particular, but I may have been thinking about Austria from that hilltop scene in the Sound of Music. It was the abundance of nature and space that I was lacking and so drawn to. I also longed to live in the USA cos of TV. (I’ve been to Zurich and Basel for a day, though extremely jet lagged, and I have been to the USA)

I never thought about money, but I do now with the rapid inflation plus cancer treatments not being fully covered when they used to be. Wish I could win the lottery or something akin to that (I don’t buy tickets) and be worry free. It would free me to be myself fully. It’s why I was happiest in my twenties. Also to never have the cancer come back would be the best.

Actually all I wanted was to be happy and free. Freedom equals happiness. Hope I can attain that freedom doing what I love and not be chained in a toxic environment that obviously lead to cancer.

To work independently or with like minded folk would be a dream. Is all this too late? When you’re almost 52? It’s all relative I guess. The queen did live till 96.

I’m not seeking longevity, but I just want to not ever be physically dependent on anyone, especially not a stranger. To me that would be torture as I need my privacy badly. So here I’m putting out my wish to the Universe, for independence till the end.

About bookjunkie

Blogging about life in Singapore & recently cancer too.
This entry was posted in Culture & Society, family, Midlife Musings, Singapore Living and tagged , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.