The Anxieties of a Control Freak: Visit to the Dentist

This year I am determined to sort of face my fears – within reason of course. One of them is visiting the dentist. It’s not the pain I am afraid of, but the lack of control. I am becoming such a freak. Namely a control freak. If I don’t have control over the situation I feel claustrophobic and my heart starts racing and soon I can’t breathe. I had an overdue appointment with the dentist which I wanted to cancel but forced myself to go through with. In the end I don’t regret it.

I wanted to write about it before I went, but writing about it would probably focus my fears and make it worse. What I needed before the visit was pure distraction. So now that I have done it and survived I can write about it. It wasn’t anything major. I have no cavities, but my gums are weak and tend to bleed so it was just the usual scaling and polishing. I need the polishing because all the coffee I drink makes me look like I am a chain smoker.

Anyway I was hoping and praying, I would not freak out while sitting in the dentist’s chair and have one of my claustrophobic attacks or feel like I was choking as the dentist cleaned my teeth. That would be highly embarrassing. In the end it was ok as I had breaks in between to gargle and I just focused on the pain and the light in front of me as I lay down on the chair.

Yeah that’s right – the pain actually helped and now I think I can understand why people cut themselves. Maybe it’s a similar reason – pain distracts your brain from terrifying thoughts. I sound so freaky right now and I hope I am not scaring my readers off. It’s partly why I chose to remain anonymous. It helps me talk about issues like this that I am so embarrassed about. All you readers are like my shrinks. It’s actually kinda good therapy.

The reason why I was afraid, was a long time ago when I was working and used to get facials I always told the facialist not to use the toner spray thingy on my face. I am ok if I submerge myself underwater or if I spray water on my face in the shower, but if someone else does it, it feels like torture to me. It feels like I am being suffocated. I also don’t like the steamer thing directly on my face. I have stopped going since. Also recently a visit to the hairdresser where they put that hair dryer thingy over your head and then walk away for half an hour – that freaked me out. I felt like I wanted to escape, but couldn’t. I just felt trapped and my heart started racing and my palms starting getting cold and clammy. I can’t explain problems like these to the person treating my hair. My hair now looks like a bird’s nest, because I avoid the hair dresser. If anyone else out there has little freak outs about similar things, please comment. It would be great to not feel so alone in my oddness.

I just feels great that I can check off visit to the dentist from my imaginary 2011 resolutions list because in reality, I haven’t made a list yet. One other thing I want to make a habit is to floss every night (how the heck do you reach those back teeth?), so that I can minimize visits to the dentists, because it ain’t cheap.

About bookjunkie

Blogging about life in Singapore & recently cancer too.
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6 Responses to The Anxieties of a Control Freak: Visit to the Dentist

  1. We all have our fears:
    My daughters wont fly with me anymore because THEY claim I “freak out” when I fly. So what if I grip tightly to my arm rests and keep my head between my legs the whole flight….I’m sure lots of people fly that way….right?
    Too bad you can’t go to my dentist. She gives you a hand paraffin wax treatment and a heated neck roll while sitting in a massage dentist chair.

    • bookjunkie says:

      Wow…your dentist sounds amazing!! that would most certainly calm my fears. Any distraction is welcome.

      Thanks for sharing your fears with me. Flying is another thing that gets to me increasingly with the years, so what you describe is perfectly normal to me. I need to listen to music or write in my journal or just do something so that I don’t completely lose it.

  2. bellessere says:

    Dear BJ,

    I caught up on your blog and again I wanted to say thanks for the pictures. In the one picture where you are at your favorite cafe, the one on the third floor, I can’t remember the name, I felt like I was sitting there with you. I suppose that’s the magic of blogging.

    I should make a blog under a pseudonym as well to just get things off my chest. What a great idea. I don’t know what I was thinking when I called my blog after myself. I had read on another person’s blog that YOU are the reason people read your blog so YOU might as well just name it after yourself. And I did. As all things it has it’s ups and downs.

    About your fears: well I’m proud of you that you faced them. I bet a lot of people don’t even go to the dentist for fear of what may happen. It takes a LOT of courage to face things we don’t want to so WELL done my blogger friend.

    Have a nice day. Thanks for your blog.


    • bookjunkie says:

      Your words mean the world to me. Thanks for taking the time to tell me what you think. Sometimes when I feel like giving up and wonder what I am doing this for (bring unemployed and all), readers like you make me feel like maybe don’t throw the towel in yet. There’s someone out there reading about my nonsensical life and finding it maybe a little bit not so boring. I worry about people getting mad at me for being anonymous, but if I wasn’t I wouldn’t be able to talk about my fears or as honestly. It’s weird that people who don’t know me, know me a whole lot better than the people who do.

      I hope you have a wonderful day and 2011 Julie 🙂

  3. BJ ~
    Got you there, as in I can totally relate to: 🙂
    “Sometimes when I feel like giving up and wonder what I am doing this for.” But then my readers write me comments that are unbelievable and I know it’s the right thing to do.

    By the way, I left the last comment logged in as my husband. Sorry about that. It should be right now.


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