Tag Archives: anxiety

Thankful for My Anxiety for One Reason

I never ever thought I’d actually be thankful for my anxiety. But there’s one reason. It confirms that I’m not a psychopath. If you can’t tell, I’ve been watching a lot of true crime. I’m fascinated by what would prompt … Continue reading

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Been Almost 7 Years Since that Cancer Diagnosis in 2016

My oncologist is so pleased every time I get a good tumour marker reading. She always tells me well done, although I honestly feel like I’ve done nothing. I just lay there. Everyone else did everything. Well I did try … Continue reading

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Curious about Natural Menopause

I wonder when I would have actually had menopause if not for the surgical one at 45. My friend at 52 hasn’t reached menopause yet. And my mum thinks she had menopause in her mid fifties. Honestly I feel robbed … Continue reading

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Have Not Been Writing

I don’t feel an urge to write when I feel I can’t be completely honest. It’s like – what’s the point? In my entire life I have never lied other than doing it to spare someone’s feelings. Like an insecure … Continue reading

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Greatest Fears as You Age Relate to Lack of Autonomy

1. Loosing those you can’t bear to live without 2. Loosing your autonomy and thus freedom. Being controlled by someone else (worst of all a stranger who is given power over you) due to lack of finances or physical strength, … Continue reading

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On this Day: 9th September 2022

Update 17th September 2022: I so agree with how Trevor Noah articulated it on The Daily Show. Each person has a different experience with the same person and you can’t force your opinion on them. If they had a bad … Continue reading

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Worse Case Scenario

Many passages in Salman Rushdie’s Autobiography ‘Joseph Anton’ stood out for me, but this passage in particular. He would not live his life by the worse-case scenario. That would turn him into their prisoner. He was nobody’s prisoner. Salman Rushdie … Continue reading

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Always Regret Reading the Headlines in the Straits Times

All it does is to give me intense anxiety. Why is there never any good news. It’s all gloom. It’s all about money and it feels like in this country (and perhaps many others other than the Scandinavian countries) you … Continue reading

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Oncology Checkup

My writing today will be as real as it can get. Just pure emotion. In real time. 9am: Can’t bring myself to wake up and face the day. There is a heaviness of dread. Can’t wait for the ordeal to … Continue reading

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My Greatest Worry is that Health Insurance Terms & Premiums Keep Changing

The Insurance companies blame the doctors and even the patients, the doctors point out that insurance companies have high management and sales commission costs too. In the end the patient is the one who suffers, especially if they have a … Continue reading

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Was the Pre-Smart Phone & Pre-Globalisation Era Truly Superior?

I tend to wax nostalgic, wistful for the bygone era – the nineties. I’ll admit bias, as it also happened to be the most carefree, healthiest and happiest time of my life. So I automatically connect, no smartphone and connectivity, … Continue reading

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Thought Process – Extreme Anxiety

I can’t sleep. Intense fear and anxiety. God please help me. Please let everything be ok. Please let it all go back to normal. I’m so worried. I’m afraid to fall asleep, because I’m afraid to wake up and face … Continue reading

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Thoughts about Procrastination, Anxiety & Punctuality

Someone wise whom I spoke to recently, told me that she resolves her anxiety by doing something. Often she does something physical like go for a walk. This is so true. I find that when I actually do something, I’ve … Continue reading

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Anxiety: Why Am I Wired This Way?

My brain has been wired by trauma to always think of the worse possible outcome, so that I can be prepared. I’m constantly in fight or flight mode. It’s a terrible state to be in and I wish I wasn’t … Continue reading

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Constant Feeling of Futility & the Perfectionist Tendency

I’m trying to convince myself that it’s better to get something done than nothing at all. I have this perfectionist all or nothing tendency. Even if, in my eyes it falls short of my goal for the day I shouldn’t … Continue reading

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Feeling Extreme Anxiety & Worthlessness

Been feeling especially insecure lately. Exceptionally down emotionally. Don’t feel like a worthy human being. Or at least in this world that values superficial things and status. This world where bullies thrive and aggression is rewarded. I just want peace … Continue reading

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Been Stuck, & About Those Library Books I Need to Return Pronto

The words haven’t been stuck but I’ve been reluctant to share what’s on my mind as it all seems just too self-indulgent or worried my private thoughts may be misconstrued. Now and then I do get depressed and anxious over … Continue reading

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Time Well Spent vs Time Badly Spent

We all have a fixed amount of time and at the end of it we all die, so I’m reminding myself to not waste a precious second, if I can help it. It’s spurred me to make this list. A … Continue reading

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Happiness Gift that Banishes Negativity for a While

I need an off switch for my mind. Here I am, awake at 4am and unable to go back to sleep due to worry. What better to do than to compose a blog post. Haven’t been updating the blog lately … Continue reading

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Worries & Wishes

Wish I could stop being such a worry wart but I think it’s genetically programmed in me to be anxious. Sometimes that can be a good thing because I tend to get things done due to anxiety, but when the … Continue reading

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No More Texting or Tweeting in Bed

I feel a need to declare this on my blog so that I will be accountable and embarrassed if I fail. Have tried to stop bringing my phone to bed, but I always give in to the temptation. It’s an … Continue reading

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Hollow

I don’t even hope for happiness. All I hope for is peace of mind and no more of this zero self esteem. It has plummeted so low and I feel like a total failure. I just have to keep writing … Continue reading

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