Yearnings & Doubts

My dream has always been to write a novel. Not just write, but as my vanity demands, to be published. A story that’s within me. But when I read books by acclaimed authors like Salman Rushdie, I feel, who am I kidding. I am not intellectual enough. I will never be able to write anything worthwhile. I didn’t get the Ivy League education. I don’t know enough of history. I haven’t travelled enough. I’m too old and it’s too late for me.

Will I be able to write something of value? Something that will not waste the time and money of readers? There are books which I have regretted buying as I was bored quickly after a few pages. I don’t want to be that kind of writer.

At other times I feel, yes I can. There is an audience out there for each and every one of us. A little tribe that can relate to your experiences.

It’s this constant struggle within me.

And meanwhile, I am such a procrastinator. I haven’t quite started apart from the little essays I have penned in my diaries which make me feel utterly self-conscious when I read them again later.

Do you have similar yearnings and doubts? I have a need to put this out there to work through my own thoughts.

About bookjunkie

Blogging about life in Singapore & recently cancer too.
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6 Responses to Yearnings & Doubts

  1. Katrijn says:

    I am a voracious reader by any standards. As such, what I look for is first and foremost a good story. What makes a book good is the ability of the writer to string a sentence and a story line together. You have that, you show that in your blog daily!

    What makes a book great is the conviction of the author. What matters is that you write from the heart. Then it will be a good book. Shaping the thing, making it nice and tidy comes afterwards. First and foremost it has to be YOURS, exclusively and truly yours, and then it will be a great novel. Really.

    If you need any inspiration, you could have a look at these interviews over at Days of Yore ( or sign up for Alice Bradley’s prompts ( She has struggled with the exact same issues you have – as I think all writers, including myself, do 🙂

    • bookjunkie says:

      I like clarity when it comes to books. If I have to make too much of an effort it ruins the experience. I also like a bit of description where I am transported to another world. But this too can go wrong. Some descriptive passages tend to be way too wordy and then I’m lost again.

      I always look forward to your insights Katrijin. Love what you said about writing from the heart. Yes at the crux of it all, that matters most.

      Thanks also for the links for inspiration – will check them out.

      One book I am unable to put down was We Need to Talk About Kevin by Lionel Shriver. It was fascinating from start to end.

  2. 365days2play says:

    It’s NANOWRIMO (National Novel Writing Month)!! Don’t think, just churn out those 50k words! You can do it!! The key is not to think!

  3. plumerainbow says:

    Yes, I believe I have the same doubts too. In fact, I am about to write a post on that myself!

    Which is why my blog has become sort of an outlet, not just as an online journal, but also as a way to discipline myself, to write something, however short or long, good or bad. Once I hit the button “publish”, it’s a done deal.

    I believe we are not alone… In fact I just recently read a piece by Michael Cunningham (not that I’m comparing myself to him!) on writing

    Anyway, do keep writing, and hopefully I will get to read your novel one day 😀

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