I’m trying not to go stir crazy as I’m sure everyone in the world is right now. To put things into perspective, my anxiety is nothing compared to those afflicted with covid19, and their families, the frontline workers including healthcare staff (like my cousin), workers in sanitation, food delivery people (whom I’m so grateful for) and just anyone who can’t work from home and still has to physically report to work. Most of all, the workers in the dormitories. I feel a mix of sadness, anger and shame as a Singaporean. This disease is not an equaliser at all, but rather glaringly the opposite. The socioeconomically disadvantaged are suffering more. Especially those struggling in low paying jobs or without a permanent job.
I am being stricter with myself than required as I don’t want to contract and then pass the illness to loved ones. As such, I haven’t left my home in 26 days. So I think you can understand how I might be going stir crazy. I try to immerse myself in a routine which includes reading, writing and reintroducing myself to the piano. I also try to stretch and walk at least 2000 steps within the home. I know it’s far from the 10000 steps they say you should do, but its pretty good for unfit me.
I don’t know why I have this need to be productive & have been waking up at 4am and sleeping at 10pm. I am definitely sleep deprived as I see dark patches emerging around my eyes. It’s the only time I have some peace and quiet. Otherwise, as someone who suffers from situational claustrophia and panic attacks due to PTSD, I really wouldn’t be able to hang on to my sanity.
Although I used to prefer fiction I have now included self-help nonfiction. Here are some of my reads so far:
- Atomic Habits by James Clear
- The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck by Mark Manson
- On Writing Well by William Zinsser
- Prairie Fires by Caroline Fraser
- Into the Wild by Jon Krakauer
- The Little Book of Hygge by Meik Wiking
- Man’s Search for Meaning by Victor Frankl
- The Body by Bill Bryson
- The Little House series by Laura Ingalls Wilder
Update: Thursday, 27 January 2022
So much has happened since I unburdened my heart with the above in a private unpublished entry. I felt too self conscious to publish it then when so many were suffering. I often hesitate when I feel I might be misunderstood. I quite regret not documenting more of the covid journey, but I honestly never expected it to last as long as it has. I never stopped writing though (pen on paper) so I could perhaps transcribe what I’ve written in my diaries.
I also had so many technical issues with this blog, that felt truly overwhelming, for not so technically inclined me. I’ll share more in another post.