Someone wise whom I spoke to recently, told me that she resolves her anxiety by doing something. Often she does something physical like go for a walk. This is so true. I find that when I actually do something, I’ve for some reason been putting off, I feel so relieved. It’s like that item now can be mentally ticked off. A burden lifted.
For instance, I’ve been unable to make a pair of glasses that actually doesn’t give me a migraine. So I finally went to another optometrist and found out that the previous one reduced my power by 50 degrees and didn’t exactly follow my prescription for some reason. They had been saying otherwise though. Giving excuses that it’s because I have Low vision.
I finally have a pair that doesn’t give me a headache. I should have got it done sooner and not have this hanging over me for months. I was so afraid I would waste money again making another pair I couldn’t use, with the optometrist denying responsibility for the error. Fear kept me from moving forwards.
There are tons of other things weighing on my mind. Tons of things I want and need to do, but I’m so overwhelmed. Mostly it’s because I want to do them perfectly. The perfectionist tendency makes the task seem impossible. I know it’s not rational and I need to be ok with not perfect. I know I might have too high standards, but I can’t help it. I take pride in what I do.
I admire my partner who has never procrastinated his whole life. He gets things done immediately. He doesn’t get bogged down. His philosophy is just get the first draft out. It can always be refined later. It’s something I’m applying to blogging so that I can post more frequently. I go back later to correct typos. I’m constantly editing but I think that’s better than waiting a week to post. We make a good team though, with my attention to detail and his efficiency.
Although when it comes to cleaning a car, no one can beat him when it comes to attention to detail. There’s not a speck on it. I can’t take clutter, but he is bordering on obsessive.
Neither of us could live with a messy person though. It would drive us insane. Not surprisingly, the two old and good friends in my life (only 2, I have known for years, whom I hardly meet but they are always there for me, especially during my cancer journey) are both neat and punctual. Even my little nieces are very punctual and neat and I love that trait so much. I say this because in secondary school we had a friend who was without fail more than an hour late. There was no handphone then. It was the 80’s. We would just wait and wait and get so anxious and frustrated. Often it was outside a movie theatre and none of us wanted to walk in after the opening credits.
I’m also extremely distracted by texts. I’m so afraid to miss a text that I keep checking my phone. Perhaps an Apple Watch would be a good idea so that I could be alerted to texts without being drawn into other highly entertaining and informative, but ultimately distracting and time wasting apps on my phone. “I’m looking at you Instagram.” (Said in an accusing tone)
