Tag Archives: love

Thinking of My Uncle A Today & Wishing him All the Joy in the World

He looks way younger than his years and I have always admired how he works hard at being active. He has always been adventurous in his youth so perhaps it’s no surprise that he still has the stamina. He has … Continue reading

Posted in family | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

What I Dreamt

It was very vivid. I was desperately trying to text my dad. I wanted to text him that I miss him so much, because he’s been away for two weeks and also that I love him so much. The desperation … Continue reading

Posted in Grief | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

#7. Letter to My Papa

Papa, I’m glad you’ll never go through the hardships of aging, but I still very often think of how much better my life would be if you hadn’t been taken so early. I don’t think I would have cancer or … Continue reading

Posted in Anxiety, Grief | Tagged , , , , | 2 Comments

My Eldest Cousin M

Been thinking a lot about my cousin M lately. To be accurate, he’s never left my mind. After he passed away in his sleep in 1995 (he was only 37 years old and it was attributed to an epileptic fit) … Continue reading

Posted in family, Grief | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

What I Admired Most About My Father (My Darling Papa)

I decided to pose the same question to myself and found myself floored. The word admiration seemed so distant and didn’t quite cover it. A primary school composition answer would be “He was the most handsome and intelligent person to … Continue reading

Posted in family, Grief, Midlife Musings, Singapore Living, Trauma | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

Blessed

I’m blessed with the best little angels and always want to take the time to record my deep gratitude. If one day they ever read this, I want them to know how much they mean to me. Actually at every … Continue reading

Posted in Joy, Midlife Musings | Tagged , , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

#4. Simple Joys – Cute Text from Niece

Brightened up my whole day. Because it’s rare, I’m so utterly thankful.

Posted in Joy | Tagged , , , , | Leave a comment

If I Had A Year Left To Live

Whatever time I had I would want to spend with the ones I love. And beyond that I would regret not writing down my life story and what I’ve learnt. All the things I’ve kept hidden which is actually not … Continue reading

Posted in aging, Blogging & Writing, Cancer, Midlife Musings, Trauma | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Sentimental Value – 21st Birthday Gift from My Father

As I regularly try to declutter for my peace of mind I come across a lot of things I don’t use but can’t part with. If I go by Marie Kondo’s rule of keeping things that spark joy, I have … Continue reading

Posted in aging, Grief, Joy, Midlife Musings | Tagged , , , , , | 1 Comment

One of My Mum’s proudest moments as a kid back in 1957

My mum always told me the story of how she failed primary 3 and had to repeat it. Every time, she sounded so sad and dejected. She only failed by 1.5 marks too and she was a sickly child. We … Continue reading

Posted in Midlife Musings | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

For Those Who Grieve? The Unbearable Pain Does Diminish

1. Don’t suppress your emotions. Being “strong” will damage you mentally. Get professional help like counselling early. Do everything in your own time and don’t be rushed or pressured. This is not the best time to make decisions. (I regret … Continue reading

Posted in Grief, Trauma | Tagged , , , | 3 Comments

#6. Letter to my Papa

I wish I didn’t feel this, but I do. I feel like I’m not talking to you, but to myself. It’s the same feeling I got when I was desperately pleading for God to save you and that I would … Continue reading

Posted in Grief | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

#5. Letter to my Papa

Papa, so often in the past 19 years, there have been world events and even just local events that I want to talk to you about. Just so much of life is happening and it’s not fair that you’re missing … Continue reading

Posted in Grief, Midlife Musings | Tagged , , , , , , | Leave a comment

#4. Letter to my Papa

My biggest worry is forgetting. I want you never to be forgotten, but lately my memory has taken a hit after two rounds of chemo and the general anaesthesia that comes with surgeries. This is why, even though I’ll probably … Continue reading

Posted in Grief | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

#2. Letter to my Papa

It’s strange that when you were around, this tone that I’m using in these letters, would sound unnatural and extremely awkward. I used to talk to you in such an abrupt manner filled with such cockiness. I’m not a confident … Continue reading

Posted in Grief | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

#1. Letter to my Papa

Papa, the last time I communicated with you was through text. And back then texting was very expensive and I found out you spent S$92 on texts from overseas. Don’t know if it’s accurate, but somehow that number is stuck … Continue reading

Posted in Grief | Tagged , , , , , , , | Leave a comment

Grief

I needed to find some distance, before I wrote this post. A lot of it is just too painful, locked away somewhere in my sub-conscience, revealed in my recurring dreams. I understand now that grief is the intense longing. No, … Continue reading

Posted in Anxiety, Midlife Musings | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Great Week

Been having a great week. I think it’s because my double operation wounds (hysterectomy followed by laparoscopic surgery) are healing. Previously I had to start chemo before the wounds had completely healed so was in a lot of pain and … Continue reading

Posted in Singapore Living | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

Best Day in Months

Visited my Aunt, Uncle and nieces today and felt so much joy and love it was indescribable. I was on cloud nine. Energized me so much that chemo fatigue was truly non existent. The innocence, pure love and exuberance of … Continue reading

Posted in Cancer, Midlife Musings | Tagged , , , , , , , , | 2 Comments

About Being Positive And Cancer

I had a good mind to start a whole new secret private blog for cancer, but I decided, heck it, I’m writing from my heart, and writers have to be brutally honest, so I just have to hope that people … Continue reading

Posted in Cancer, Midlife Musings | Tagged , , , , , , | 2 Comments

The Worst Part of Cancer

The worst part is definitely a sense of loosing your independence and not being able to do what you used to. I feel it most painfully in the simple things like not being able to carry my nieces or run … Continue reading

Posted in Cancer, Midlife Musings | Tagged , , , , , | Leave a comment

There’s Nothing More Precious then a Talking Toddler

Yes I often gush about my nieces because they are so gush worthy (I’m sure every aunt or uncle feels the same). Just wish I could stay in the moment for longer. In the moment of their pure innocence. I … Continue reading

Posted in Midlife Musings, White as Milk | Tagged , , , | Leave a comment