Tag Archives: papa

What I Dreamt

It was very vivid. I was desperately trying to text my dad. I wanted to text him that I miss him so much, because he’s been away for two weeks and also that I love him so much. The desperation … Continue reading

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#7. Letter to My Papa

Papa, I’m glad you’ll never go through the hardships of aging, but I still very often think of how much better my life would be if you hadn’t been taken so early. I don’t think I would have cancer or … Continue reading

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What I Admired Most About My Father (My Darling Papa)

I decided to pose the same question to myself and found myself floored. The word admiration seemed so distant and didn’t quite cover it. A primary school composition answer would be “He was the most handsome and intelligent person to … Continue reading

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Sentimental Value – 21st Birthday Gift from My Father

As I regularly try to declutter for my peace of mind I come across a lot of things I don’t use but can’t part with. If I go by Marie Kondo’s rule of keeping things that spark joy, I have … Continue reading

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Feeling Lost today till a Stranger (not quite actually) & Kind Soul reached out

19 years ago I lost my beloved Papa and this whole week (the dates) are a reminder of my nightmares and trauma. I did things today, I would normally enjoy, but I couldn’t quite taste my food or have any … Continue reading

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Internal Life

I wonder if everyone’s internal life is as vocal or non stop like mine. The internal voice of your consciousness. I suppose it’s this way for most introverts who need and enjoy introspective time to unwind. It’s why I write. … Continue reading

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#6. Letter to my Papa

I wish I didn’t feel this, but I do. I feel like I’m not talking to you, but to myself. It’s the same feeling I got when I was desperately pleading for God to save you and that I would … Continue reading

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#5. Letter to my Papa

Papa, so often in the past 19 years, there have been world events and even just local events that I want to talk to you about. Just so much of life is happening and it’s not fair that you’re missing … Continue reading

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The Bravest Writer I’ve Met On WordPress – Janet

janetvdepression.com/ I’m so impressed at how Janet is so unafraid to unburden her heart and in doing so has helped me. She has made me count my own blessings. She has made me not feel so isolated in my own … Continue reading

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#4. Letter to my Papa

My biggest worry is forgetting. I want you never to be forgotten, but lately my memory has taken a hit after two rounds of chemo and the general anaesthesia that comes with surgeries. This is why, even though I’ll probably … Continue reading

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#3. Letter to my Papa

I feel lonely without you. I thought the vacuum wouldn’t remain for this long, but it has for almost 19 years now. Me missing you is a testament to what a good father you were. I didn’t realise it then, … Continue reading

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#2. Letter to my Papa

It’s strange that when you were around, this tone that I’m using in these letters, would sound unnatural and extremely awkward. I used to talk to you in such an abrupt manner filled with such cockiness. I’m not a confident … Continue reading

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#1. Letter to my Papa

Papa, the last time I communicated with you was through text. And back then texting was very expensive and I found out you spent S$92 on texts from overseas. Don’t know if it’s accurate, but somehow that number is stuck … Continue reading

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I needed to find some distance, before I wrote this post. A lot of it is just too painful, locked away somewhere in my sub-conscience, revealed in my recurring dreams. I understand now that grief is the intense longing. No, … Continue reading

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Doesn’t Feel like Christmas

Sigh….no singer’s voice today can match the beauty of Karen’s Carpenter’s alto tone…. It stopped feeling like truly Christmas when I lost my father, so this song reminds me of him. I am not feeling particularly depressed, because B cheered … Continue reading

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The One Thing I Wish I Could Tell My Younger Self

The one thing I wish I could tell my younger self would be not related to my career, education or money errors, but just this – to not take my father for granted and to have treasured him when I … Continue reading

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Baby Wants to See the Fish

I see the long cradle that could rock from side to side. Sitting up in it, I couldn’t fall asleep. I kept asking to see the fish.  I could only say “fish” and point.  I stretched my arms out into … Continue reading

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